After years of wondering if I could ever be intimate with another man, I decided to hook up with a dude my freshman year of college. I figured this "bicurious" thing clearly isn't a phase, since I'd been thinking about it for a few years. The only way I could know for sure if I was actually gay or bi was if tested the waters. So I did. Alas, I got so drunk in order to have the courage to hook up with another man that I ended up puking midway through our encounter. After the experience, I could not tell you if I was gay or bi.
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Paul started calling himself Results-Oriented around the time we had our first foursome with a straight-presenting, queer-identified couple. For the most part, we engaged in heterosexual and lesbian activities, but at one point, I let it slip that watching two men together has always been one of my top turn-ons. Our male partner looked up with excitement and climbed on top of Paul. Once he obtained consent, he gave Paul a long and thorough blowjob that finished in climax. That was the first — but not the only — time Paul has engaged in sexual activity with a man. A Pew Research study released earlier this summer found that only 28 percent of self-identified bisexual people are out to their close friends and family. It is believed that this is a consequence of the culture of biphobia that pervades both straight and gay communities, where bisexual people are perceived as being confused, deceptive, or just plain greedy.
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There are no-tell tale signs or giveaways. Before you can identify something, you probably need to know what it means. Wendasha Jenkins Hall , PhD, a sex educator and researcher based in Atlanta explains: Traditionally, bisexuality was used to describe attraction to both men and women, but as our understanding of gender has become more expansive, the definition of bisexuality has expanded, too. Ditto for the reverse.